more thoughts on unattainable ..........Love...at least in my life thats is.

it seems like we all have some heartwrenching story about the loves we've lost or left. about the loves that left  us cold and sollow, without a shred of dignity. the loves that have ripped our souls out and left them on the floor. we've all felt sick to our knees in jealousy during that god forbidden day when you realized his betrayal.. how foolish you had been. sometimes after the long hual you realize how much of yourself you've compromised and how little he has given in return...and we walk away feeling used.
but most interesting of all of this is how ,,,after all of this heartbreak and agony we still continue the search. inspite of the danger that love presents we keep looking for it. i mean sure, love isn't all bad. we all like feeling like a princess out of a disney story we all want to be wisked away on a carriage and made love to until daybreak. but i mean is that really going to happen ever.?!!
love is good in the beginning love is fabulous when you have that first kiss, when theres a million butterflies in your stomach when you guys hold hands smile and share ideas and stories. but that only lasts so long and then it soon turns into tiny fights..eventually bickering...jealousy...and then you eventually forget why you loved him to begin with you start seeing eachothers faults and cant take it!! and it falls apart. at the end you always feel the same way you felt in the beginning. and so there you are again Alone. Hurt. and On the Prowl again to fall in love again and fall out of it all over again.
forgive me if i sound like a pessimist but maybe woman are just all inherently massacists who like to get hurt. maybe we dont actually love the love part of love maybe we just crave the short lived validation and are infact addicted to the drama of it all. and really when we think about it..is love really attainable. can one human love another truly? or are we too selfish to be able to give ourselves without prejudice to another person?and if life really is this difficult why do we even try?
maybe all our ideas on love and marriage are outdated. we all keep living in a world of story books where were waiting for a knght in shining armour that will never actually come.
love as i see it will sadly never be found in another person..defintely not a man. love is right where we left it. in ourselves ..and as disappointing as that sounds its true. sure the ocassional storybook love or jane austen fantasy should be entertained from time to time but its not something we should live our lives off of because its setting yourself up for a rollercoaster emotions and disappointments.


thats what i think. :)

 

here we go again.
i really cant understand this. why are crazy girls attracted to assholes. in this case i'm referring to myself. ...look i will admit i am insane. im dysfunctional, obsessive, insecure, and unreasonalble. but even if i am all those things. i have to say so myself im a pretty fuking amazing person im am a riot im fun and hilarious im honestly brilliant and im super talented n cute. but if im all those great things why do i keep going for these shitty guys. this is the 5th time around and i figured i wouldnt fall into this routine again. i promised myself things had changed that i had changed. i thought i had matured...key word was "thought". and it turns out nothing has changed just more time has passed.

y do i insist on giving men my time of day and allow them to walk all over me?? can i not see my own self worth...or do i think i dont deserve it? sooo...what do i do? when will this end. im tired of living out my life like this in a constant struggle with myself and in constant fight and search for love and acceptance in all the wrong places and ppl. im over it. m a crazy girl but i dont want assholes.